How It Hurts
You Don’t Feel Like Yourself
With a migraine, you’re just not you. It can affect your mood and personality, make you snippy and abrupt and even quick to anger. Migraines can impact your normal level of patience and are usually not great for your sense of humor.
In fairness, your spouse or loved one has to deal with this other version of you and it can be hard on the relationship. If you are extra grumpy it is harder for them to feel the compassion they might normally feel if you were just sick. Pain is not easy on any relationship.
Plans Get Canceled
One of the things that binds a couple together are those activities with friends and family they are typically invited to attend throughout the year. Cancel on more than a couple of these invites because of a migraine, and it is easy for people around you to see you as the party-pooper.
This breeds resentment as both of you try to deal with the other’s feelings about missing one more event or family gathering. There is also likely to be negative feedback from family or friends who may not understand why you aren’t coming to their party or event.
They Think You Are Faking
This is the worst feeling of them all. When a spouse or loved one thinks you are exaggerating or faking a migraine, you can feel completely defensive and betrayed. Betrayal is the worst feeling for any relationship and will definitely impact your love for the other person. It’s something you don’t tend to forget.
No Desire for Sex or Intimacy
If migraines are striking often, it can really impact your sex life and level of intimacy. Pain does not breed passion and often a partner may feel lonely and discarded because of numerous nights of migraine pain have interrupted typical displays of affection.
What Can You Do to Help Your Relationship?
Studies show that about 74% of migraine sufferers have to cancel plans because of migraine pain and 68% say it disrupts their sex life. What can you do?
- Communicate as much as possible: Talk about your feelings as much as you can. Explain that "not tonight" doesn't mean "not ever." It's only temporary. Talk about each other’s needs. Knowing exactly what your partner is struggling with stops the guessing game and decreases misunderstandings.
- Don’t over compensate: If you are worried about your relationship it is easy to bend over backwards trying to make it up to your partner for the fact that you get migraines. While you certainly want to remain strong and keep going, you should not compromise to the point where you increase your suffering.
- Don’t try to hide a migraine: You can come across as angry or snippy when you are suffering from a migraine. It is better to be honest about your condition because if your partner knows you have a migraine at least they won’t interpret your mood as anger towards them.
- Don’t blame yourself: You are not responsible for having migraines. They happen to you, you did not choose them. Let go of the guilt.
- Show gratitude: If you partner is supportive during a migraine, let them know how much you appreciate them and all they do. Feeling appreciated can make all the difference in a partnership.
Having migraines impacts your relationships as well as your life. Talk about the impact and try and express concerns, needs and gratitude. Communication is key for a couple dealing with a chronic condition to remain close and make it through their challenges together.
